You might not be aware of this, but golf has returned. It’s back. They’re back on the tee! Everyone is excited!
With the return has come a commercial that has befuddled me more than any ad I can remember. This isn’t a “standing in the hall of fame” type of situation where the ad gets played so much you want to donate your ears to science; this is a golf commercial that challenges the intelligence of the golf community. It challenges the simplicity of a man standing on a hill trying to go for a par-5 in two. It challenges basic eyesight.
It’s a simple ad, really. Dustin Johnson, one of the most famous golfers on the planet, holing out a hybrid on what appears to be a tough green to hit. If I told you that was the ad and you’d never seen it, that would be enough. But it’s the commentary that goes along with the action that is so offensive to golf fans that it has forced me to spend time in my life breaking it down (and time in yours reading this).
So, the commentary. Here is the word-for-word voiceover by someone not named Dustin Johnson (maybe Sam Elliott??):
“Some see a beautiful golf course with an incredible view. Dustin Johnson sees an aggressive pin … a two-club headwind … and a branch that blocks his line to the green … Dustin delivers because he sees things differently … so do we … RBC … a global financial institution with over 150 years of insight and expertise.”
So there is the copy, now to breakdown the issues FJM-style, here we go.
“Some see a beautiful golf course with an incredible view. Dustin Johnson sees an aggressive pin … a two-club headwind …”
The idea that any golfer would ever say “man, look at that aggressive pin” is insulting to us balata fans. Golfers might say “that’s a tucked pin” or a “brutal hole location,” but what’s an aggressive pin? The aggression in the game lies with the shot. That was an aggressive shot. But it isn’t with the pin. The pin isn’t aggressive, which is defined as “ready or likely to attack or confront.” Now, in 2020 I guess I can’t say that a flagstick wouldn’t take on animate characteristics considering all we’ve seen this year, but I’m going to assume for my point that the flag is going to remain insentient and sit in the hole just like it was put there.
We move on …
The commercial begins with the above shot of a golf course, the one us regular folk would think is beautiful. But not Dustin. Dustin sees that aggressive pin, even though the only green we can really see is the one that looks a mile or two away in the distance. I’ve circled the green below.
There is the green. I’ve looked at this image for far too long trying to figure out another possible green that he would be playing to, and I’m not seeing it.
Since we are looking at this shot, why don’t we introduce our golfer/actor into the fold. Dustin joins us in this next shot, looking somewhat in the direction of the circled green.
If we were splitting hairs, you could argue that Dustin is looking well right of the green in question, but this is most likely some green screen work so no reason to hate on the simple issues with this commercial when much larger problems start to present themselves (just wait for the branch).
The next shot you can see is one where the golf course is presented much like a yardage book. You see lines and wind direction and whatever the hell those half-circles are around his feet, and you see that the animation is pointing us to the green in question that looks Happy Gilmore-y far away.
Now to the green. This is our first shot of the green and the tough approach shot (shoutout animated birds … always a nice touch).
The hole looks slightly different than the shot we’ve seen previously, but it’s fairly close. The bunker is to the left like above, the green looks much smaller in this shot than the one that Dustin is checking out and the trees behind seem adjusted, but considering this is all happening in about 4 seconds, we can give a pass to this.
My biggest issue, initially, with the commercial was this idea of a branch in the way up by the green. Dustin is in the fairway, hitting downhill to a green with a hybrid. What branch would be in play? Is there a tree planted in the middle of the fairway? One directly off the green to the right?
The branch appears to be short and right of the green, but I see nothing that resembles a tree in the previous shot. Maybe “branch” is just a metaphor for problem. Maybe RBC and DJ dove deeper into the idea of trouble and presented the branch as a universal issue for Dustin. A metaphor for one of the greats in the game. Could the branch be a bunker? A valet driver, the 5th green at Oakmont, Brooks Koepka? Maybe “branch” is everything Dustin battles as a professional golfer. Is it possible we haven’t asked DJ about this branch before? I’m intrigued but I’ll digress.
This is where the commercial falls apart. This is the ball approaching the green. It’s supposed to be the same green that we saw earlier. It is most definitely not the same green! It isn’t even close! The green here has a bunker to the right and trees directly behind the green and a totally different green complex and no bunker left and I could continue but I think you get the idea here. THIS GREEN IS MY OWN PERSONAL BRANCH!
Look at the original green again and then look at the approach. It’s hilariously inaccurate. It’s almost like someone made a 30 second commercial and didn’t think an idiot would spend four days breaking it down. LITTLE DID YOU KNOW, GRAPHICS FELLA!
Now to the Dustin reaction at the end. He holes the shot for what I can only guess is an albatross/double-eagle. Considering how far it looks like he is and the fact that he’s hitting a hybrid, it has to be for a two on a par-5. The Double Eagle Club, which considers itself the source on double-eagle stats, says the odds of making one is 6 million to 1. Since we are talking of Dustin Johnson, we can cut those odds well down to, why don’t we say, a million to 1. You think that ball goes in and Dustin gives us this reaction?!
Actually, that’s probably accurate. I take back my stance here. Dustin probably would look longingly into the abyss after his ball disappeared with the same reaction a lot of us have when this commercial comes on.
My request to RBC, because I love Canada and I do enjoy Dustin; hire me next time you want to make a golf commercial. I am cheap and willing to look at the final product and change some of the golf vernacular and at least make sure the golf hole remains the same throughout the ad. I am even pretty good at half-circle drawings, so I could do all that stuff around Dustin’s feet.
Standing in the hall of fame!